Story III - ‘I’ve grown a lot’
Belonging
Well sometimes even I can't decide, but I like being here because I can be who I am. So at home, for example, it was a problem that I was a rocker, wearing boots, things like that.
But here you are praised for it, for example today I was complimented at work for my clothes. So it's a more accepting environment here, and I've never been made to feel that I'm just a migrant or an immigrant or anything like that, I can be myself, and it's OK that my English isn't perfect.
I still like to use the Hungarian language obviously, now I want to work more on improving my English, but I like speaking Hungarian, I like Hungarian food... What's good here is that it gives me a sense of security, I don't have to think about what to buy or not to buy at the end of the month. I like to go home to Hungary, I have my favourite places, shops etc. in Szeged, but after a while I would miss England/London.
I like being alone and I enjoy my freedom. I started to get to know London better, and I don’t feel that people would treat me like an immigrant. I am studying in college because my English still needs improvement, but I can communicate, even incorrectly. I feel lucky that I was able to return and that at least I have my pre-settled status. I am still a little bit worried about my absences, but I hope that I will get my settled status later on. I will do everything to stay in the UK, and to build myself a better life.
Journey
I have already moved to the UK two times. My first move was in 2017, to my ex-partner, whom I met on the Internet and he was also Hungarian. Some of my old friends already lived here, so it was relatively easy to get along, there were always helping hands for me. Though my first year out here was quite difficult, as all I knew in English was ‘yes’ and ‘no’. The house where we lived with my ex-partner, everyone was Hungarian, and we were able to help each other with many things.
In March 2020, COVID and lockdown came, so we decided to leave everything behind and to move back to Hungary. My granny lived in a care home, so we had her apartment for us. It was very hard, I felt like I belonged nowhere... our relationship really started to deteriorate, my ex became aggressive, he wanted to isolate me from my parents and friends. Later it turned out that he suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder, and we broke up in November 2020.
In summer 2021 the UK government lifted travel restrictions, so I just decided to move back to London. Was I afraid to go back to the UK alone? No, the pre-settled status gave me confidence and I also had my COVID vaccinations. My friends who stayed in the UK informed me that many companies are looking for new employees. As soon as I moved back, I was able to get a job.
Identity
I am a migrant in the sense that I have changed my place of residence and my country, and I don't think I regret it for a moment. Granted, if I could go back in time now, I would do many things differently. I wouldn't have moved home, for example... but then there was my narcissistic ex-partner - I was afraid to leave him because he made me believe that London was not for me. And then I thought how nice it would be for us to be at home in our own flat, but you see, it didn't work out.
But now for the second time I feel much better out here. I don't feel like a migrant. OK, maybe it's that I can't speak English the way people who were born here speak it. Apart from that, it's also good that I was able to find a job here in one day, for example.
I won't, I don't want to forget where I came from... I still consider myself Hungarian, I might not become a British citizen, or who knows. I've grown a lot, I've experienced a lot here, I've become more confident and I've become more accepting, .... and the exposure to new cultures and new environments and interactions have helped me to see new things and grow. And it's good to see or learn something new every day. Whether it's a new English word or a new place I find here. Also, the challenges and difficulties I have experienced during migration have shaped my personality.
